Spring, as they say, has sprung here in Ohio. Although it is currently 35 degrees with snow flurries, the trees are budding, the daffodils are up, and new life is sprouting everywhere. I love spring. I’m a gardener at heart – I love digging, planting, growing, all of it. So when the ten day forecast starts showing warmer days and nights, I get excited about starting seeds. This year my hubby (bless him) encouraged me to purchase a greenhouse tent so that I could start seeds earlier. Perhaps he also did not want our bay window converted into a growing space? Either way, back in February I purchased my little tent. I counted the days until I could start my seeds. I even loaded up the cart inside the tent with soil-filled seed trays so that I could gauge the temperature fluctuations inside the tent from the peak of the day when the sunshine beats down, to the chill of the early mornings in spring. My research told me to keep biding my time, that it was too soon to start seeds in the tent. So I started some inside my house. Just three little pots to keep me going until I could load up those readied seed trays. Every day I’ve checked them and made sure the soil was damp. I’ve moved them around on the bay window throughout the day to ensure optimum sun exposure. I feel a little crazy now that I write this all down. But two of my three little pots rewarded my gardening addiction and sent sprouts right up! (Here’s looking at you Zinnias and Bachelor’s Buttons! Lavender, get your act together please!) One day when I was checking on my sweet plant babies, I found the most spectacular sight. They were all leaning towards the light. Check it out!
These little guys are leaning with all they have to get closer to that sunshine. I love it! Besides being adorably cute, it also hit me on a spiritual level.
I’ve had kind of a dark week or two. There were some triggers this week for my grief over my dad’s death. Grief is weird and hard to talk about and different for every person carrying it. There have been some new losses to carry, too. I’m also in a really poor sleep pattern right now (because… kids) and it’s catching up with me. Plus, we have had to make some difficult decisions regarding Sophie’s therapy, medication, and care. Just heavy stuff. I’ve felt heavy.
But part of the way I’ve chosen to live my life (which may stand in stark contrast to the way the world operates) is not to let my feelings dictate my life or what I perceive to be truth. Despite this perspective, I could feel the tailspin coming as I battled my feelings. (For the record, I’m not suggesting that anyone ignore or stuff their feelings. Feelings are valid. And it’s fine to feel them. But I do not wish to live my life controlled by my feelings.) I’ve been desperately seeking, in the midst of a whole mess of feelings, to fix my eyes on Jesus and to plant my feet on the truth of His Word.
Those little plants remind me: Lean towards the light.
In John 8:12, Jesus is recorded as saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” Yes to this. Let me follow Jesus’ light every day over the darkness of my feelings. I know that Jesus, the Light of the World, is the source of my life, just like those plants know that the light is what will help them keep on living.
I am not seeking Jesus just to feel better; I’m seeking him to be better, to grow better. Through the mess and muddle of my feelings, I’ve heard a few truths quite clearly that maybe some of you need to hear in your current mess and muddle.
1 – God sees you.
2 – God sees your children.
3 – All the mess, God has it. He’s in control.
4 – He chose YOU for “this” (whatever that may be for you)
5 – God will ONLY do what is GOOD for you and me.
Let’s let those truths shine on us and penetrate the dark places where we feel heavy. Lean towards the Light. Jesus is constant, unchanging, always ready to bring his life-giving power to our lives.
Lean into the Light and breathe easy, friend.